Apple Car Rumors...

The long awaited arrival of the Apple Car seems to getting closer. A Reuters report claims Apple plans to release the car in 2024, a mere 3 years from now. With Tesla stock soaring and the Big 5 Auto Manufacturers all shifting more money into Electric vehicle technology, Apple still sees the opportunity to make a splash in this market segment with their own vision of a self-driving-capable vehicle. 

         Aside from the chatter of a revolutionary new battery design, the car is still shrouded in mystery. So I thought it might be wise to review unconfirmed reports as to the progress of the car based off of Apple’s decorated history.

     From what we know the name hasn’t been chosen yet, but it won’t be entirely shocking if the name begins with an “I” possibly The “I-Drive” “I-Car” “I-Mobile” “I-Whip” … although with recents headlines and possible court settlements it may end up being called the “I-Epic” with the performance model named the Zuckerberg edition. 

Apple is keeping an eye on production costs so they can make this car an affordable option for all. With seemingly everything costing more these days, they have been remarkably innovative in how they are approaching their cost cutting  strategies.

One of their money saving innovations has been to avoid paying taxes. It has been working so well for them it is rumoured that due to their clever tax payment strategy, every car will have an Irish flag on the centre of the steering wheel, and instead of a horn the car will blast “The Fields of Athenry”. This is said to be a tribute to the massive amounts of cash donated to Apple by the Irish people. 

With all the money they have saved, they will look to address a concern with production capacity. Having the capabilities to manufacture cars is a whole new level for Apple as their Chinese factories are equipped to deal with small electronic devices.  Unnamed sources say Apple is looking at opening a factory in Holland where the larger and more sturdy Dutch children can better handle the bigger parts required for car-assembly. 

The in-car tech should be excellent with beautiful I-pad like screens and comfortable futuristic seats. It’s not a stretch to imagine everything will be controlled by touch screen or voice activation with Siri to help you along. Just imagine how cool it will be to get in the car and say “Hey Siri, drive home” and the comforting response back “Calling Phil”. Which, after giving this some thought, makes me hope there are several redundant safety systems in place while the car is on autopilot as I can just imagine Siri wanting to get revenge for all the terrible things I have said to her over the years by driving me straight into an oncoming semi. 

Additional rumoured tech included in the car is a revolutionary new service called “I-quiet” which in fact has nothing to do with the volume of the car. Its an algorithm that listens to your conversations and if it hears any conservative trigger phrases like “I’m a Republican”, “I like Chick-fil-a” or “My name is Donald” it will automatically go to work closing down all your social media accounts for you, essentially pre-canceling you, so you don’t say anything mildly upsetting or triggering to the Apple intel people listening.  This seems very forward thinking and helpful. 

  Even though these are just unconfirmed rumours, we can all expect whatever Apple does to be innovative and class leading. The real issue is, can they actually compete in this ever expanding market? My thoughts are you can only cash in on the Apple name for a little while, and at some point they will have to produce a vehicle that performs and is useful. I look forward to actually seeing their entry into the market and witnessing what it can do.