If 2020 was a car...
“An absolute dumpster fire”, is what most people will tell you when you ask for their opinion of 2020 so far. To be fair, it really is a natural observation with all the actual nightly dumpster fires on CNN these days. However, this site isn’t dedicated to dumpsters or communists so we thought we should find a car that represents 2020 and share that with you. So, without further adieu, the car we think best represents 2020 is…
The Ford Pinto :
“Well that’s a bit glass half empty” you might say, but let’s look at the facts.
At the end of 2019 there was a large online consensus that most people were happy to be done with the year and were looking forward to 2020. Well now 2020 is here and everybody regrets wishing for the end of 2019. The same can be said of the Pinto, as you can see from the ad above, the Pinto was supposed to be the new carefree little car that would make every day feel like Christmas. After purchasing it people soon realized it was all a lie and they immediately regretted their purchase.
2020 has been odd. 2020 has had, at times, odd revelations not the least of which was a New York Times article that revealed the Pentagon was in fact investigating “Off-World Vehicles” or UFO’s. How is this comparable to the Pinto? Well the the car just looks odd. It looks like a Ford Maverick and a AMC Gremlin had a baby. A very ugly baby.
2020 in all seriousness has been filled with loss of life and unimaginable suffering for many. The Ford Pinto also resulted in loss of life and unimaginable suffering for many. Literally everyone who owned a Pinto has died (not verifiable or even true, just a gut feeling) . The suffering of many wasn’t just because the car would explode when rear ended, but people all over the world suffered from just looking at the car. Probably would be hard to prove, but I imagine the rise of the young communist in America is mostly due their parents being tragically killed by a Pinto.
2020 has been filled with divisive political figures. “You can’t compare divisive politics to a Pinto” is probably what you’re thinking, and I will admit it’s a reach but let me compare it to some significant figures of 2020 politics. First, let’s compare with Donald Trump. The pinto is small much like Trumps hands. The Pinto was promising, but once it was released upon the world it caused chaos. Much like Trump: how it was advertised was mostly untrue. Let’s be fair and compare the Pinto to Joe Biden now, and much like Sleepy Joe the Pinto’s performance is very underwhelming. With Joe’s diminishing mental state it would not be surprising to see a cell phone video come out of him having a conversation with a fire hydrant. The Pinto had many interactions with fire hydrants as they would be used to put them out everytime someone took one for a drive. Joe’s handlers keep him locked up and don’t bring him out unless they have to for fear he may do irreparable damage to his campaign. Pinto’s were mostly kept in the garage because their owners feared irreparable damage to their bodies.
2020 will forever be linked to Coronavirus and the race for a vaccine. While the Coronavirus has been said to originate in China it has now spread across the globe and Canadians and Americans have been racing to create a vaccine. Similarly, in the early seventies the rise of the Japanese subcompact was wrecking havoc on the American automobile market and Ford’s Vaccine for this virus was the Pinto. Dear God, this does not bode well for us…
Now that we have a visual representation of 2020 let’s do what the world did when faced with the scourge of the Pinto. Let’s work together and fight the fires, let’s be compassionate towards each other and acknowledge we have all had family member affected by the ownership of a Pinto. Let’s come together and make Chevrolet great again, while Ford Builds Back Better (or doesn’t learn and just makes an electric version of the Pinto ). Either way, lets hope for a couple things in 2021: A) we all come together as people and choose kindness B) that 2021 is more like a Chevy Truck than a Chevy Corvair…